The agreements that form the basis in our lives and relationships with others can come in many forms. Many of them are unwritten, sometimes verbalized and most take on a silent form. They may also been unknown to us although we abide by them in this unconscious state.  This can cause all sorts of dis-agreement, conflict and give us a great deal of uncertainty in our lives.

You may have noticed how you or other members behave in a family setting.  Compare that to what you are like and how you relate to others in other settings, be that with a lover, or co-worker, neighbor or such.  Family members tend to have a certain dynamic and this can be positive or negative and these are part of our foundational beliefs about how we interact with each other.   Many of the beliefs are transparent.  to discover, uncover , to recognize and deal with them can be a real challenge.

Why?  Because by their very nature, they are transparent and we do not “see” them for what they are.  So resolution in our relationships may suffer because of this.

Those beliefs may be serving us.  I imagine many are not, unless we have made a conscious effort to do the necessary work to find out what they are and deal with them.

I was thinking about this and how these agreements and beliefs can affect us and our relationships so having read the book by don Miguel, The Four Agreements, some time ago, I thought it was appropriate for me to revisit it and renew my affection and understanding of the four agreements.

The Four Agreements

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Me:  I certainly agree with this, having experienced the opposite, and having accepted this as an agreement in a past relationship it is an important agreement, for sure.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally


Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Me: Yes, this can be a difficult one, not to taken anything personally, still it is not about the other person, it is always about ourselves and to take responsibility for ourselves.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Me: Again I agree with this agreement.  It can sometimes be a bit of a pain to ask the questions so that you understand what someone is communicating or not communicating to you.  Still not to do so can have serious consequences.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Me:  Another difficult one,  I do not believe everyone does their best all the time.  It is important to work towards this and still take the time to take a step back and reflect if necessary, to get off the train or highway and smell the flowers.

The Four Agreements is a great book and contains some important thoughts and ideas for us.  I certainly enjoyed it and I enjoyed revisiting it now.

Wishing you much success in all that you do.

Gene